Sanctity Page 9

  He performed the same routine on himself then straddled the bike and had me climb up behind him. He positioned my feet on the tiny platforms and told me to hold tight. He started the motorcycle and eased it onto the roadway and we were off into the night.

  At first he kept a safe, moderate pace. I was nervous and pressed myself as tightly as possible against Michael’s back while the wind whizzed by tangling my hair where it escaped from beneath the helmet. I watched the trees and street lamps zip past and smiled as I realized how very wrong of me it was to be out like that. I felt guilty but quickly abandoned the thought because of the fun I was having. After a few minutes we reached the interchange for the highway and Michael eased the bike through the sharp corners of the on ramp.

  I was used to riding in a car so it felt new and exhilarating to be sitting in the open air while we were travelling so fast. He picked up the pace and leaned lower and lower into the final corner of the on ramp. I could see that his knee was nearly touching the ground as we whipped through the turn. Once we were on the interstate he quickly shifted through the gears, urging the bike faster and faster. It felt like we were flying, like we had lifted off and the Earth was far below us. I looked down though and saw the pavement beneath us. Then I noticed that the dotted line that divided the highway was no longer passing by evenly spaced. We were going so fast then that it looked like a single, solid line streaking along beside us.

  I had never experienced a thrill like that. I knew I was smiling; that I was terrified and elated at the same time. My heart was pounding with the combination of fear and joy. After a few minutes Michael began to slow the motorcycle down and we exited the highway. We turned left and left again to head back onto the highway but in the opposite direction and I was sad to realize that we were heading home.

  Michael took his time on the way back and I felt a strange serenity settle over me as he relaxed our pace. It was peaceful out there at night like that. There was no traffic so it seemed like we were the only two people in the world. I gave Michael a little squeeze to let him know how contented I felt. He put his hand on my knee, gave it a gentle press and let it rest there for the remainder of our ride.

  When we got back home he parked the bike along the main road and took my hand. We walked back to the house. I was too breathless to speak and Michael seemed lost in his own thoughts as well.

  Once we were back in my room I slipped into my closet and quickly changed back into my pajamas. I put my jeans and t-shirt away and hung up my sweater as though they had not been used.

  Michael was sitting on my bed when I finished. He patted the pillow to let me know that it is time for me to get back to sleep.

  I crawled up onto the bed beside him. As I sat on my knees and looked him over I smiled and wrapped my arms around his neck, “Thank you for tonight,” I whispered.

  “Thank you, Elayna, I had just as much fun as you had,” he shook his head thoughtfully.

  “What is it Michael?”

  He took a deep breath, “After the ballet,” he looked away and changed the direction of the conversation, “I need you Elayna, to help me be strong.”

  “I know that, I will always be here for you,” I said the words softly.

  “I am afraid for you, though.”

  “Afraid, Michael, whatever for, I’m never afraid when I’m with you.”

  He chuckled, “Yes, you are very brave,” he caressed my hair. “I am afraid that I am putting my needs ahead of yours. I’m afraid that if we continue to be friends that you will never be free of me, never be free to live and grow and love the way you should.”

  “Oh, but I am growing, Michael, already I am 9 years old and next year I will be 10 and, and…” I knew that what I was trying to say was not the type of growing Michael was referring to and could not finish the thought.

  “Please, Michael, you are not going to take my memories again, are you?”

  “I don’t know, Elayna. I know that I should, that you should forget me and I should forget you.”

  Panic crept into my eyes and I wanted to scream “No, you can’t, I won’t let you!” but the words never came out. Instead I shook my head and asked, “Does it have to be so soon, Michael? Can’t we be friends for a little while longer?”

  “Can you be strong, Elayna? If we stay friends can you be strong when the time comes for me to leave you again?”

  “Yes, Michael, I can,” I answered with absolute surety.

  He didn’t look convinced but he drew me close and kissed my forehead anyway. “We will be friends, then, for as long as we possibly can. Just remember your promise when the time comes.”

  “I will.”

  He tucked me in and took my hand. He placed a feathery kiss on my knuckles and disappeared into the night.

  Chapter 8

  I began to think that nothing would ever come between us and that Michael and I would always be friends. I kept waiting for the day but either he forgot or he never had the courage to remind me of my promise. If it hadn’t been for Victor he might never have let me go.

  Neither of us could have predicted what would happen. It was so sudden! One moment I was happy and safe without a single care in the world and the next I was a thousand miles from home. My parents were gone, my world in a tumultuous uproar and there was nothing either of us could do but regret all that we should have done differently.

  After Michael told me what had happened to my family I knew our time together had come to an end. I cried myself out while we sat on the edge of the bed and Michael comforted me. I wanted to forget it all and just stay that way forever, safe and secure in Michael’s arms. The sun went down and the room grew completely dark then not long afterwards Margaret came to check on us.

  “I made some dinner,” her voice full of all the things she wanted to but couldn’t say.

  Michael smiled halfheartedly and carefully set me on my feet. “I think we had better clean ourselves up first, what do you say?”

  “Yes, I think you are right,” I sniffled as I stepped back and made to turn away.

  “Elayna,” he reached for my hand and placed it on his cheek as he squatted down while looking directly into my eyes, “I will do everything I can to make up for this and to give you a good life. I promise.”

  I felt him sifting through my memories and tucking the worst of them into the farthest reaches of my mind. I had a million questions but they suddenly seemed unimportant and I was too disoriented to ask them. My lips trembled into a smile and I pulled my eyes away from his gaze. I leaned down and gave him the lightest of kisses before heading back to the bathroom to wash the tear stains from my cheeks.

  After I had freshened up Michael brought me down to the kitchen where I picked away at the dinner Margaret had made for me. Once I had eaten my fill, I couldn’t seem to keep myself awake. Michael led me upstairs and made sure I was safely asleep before he left. I was so drained both physically and emotionally that I slept quite late and missed the conversation that Michael and Margaret had in the kitchen the next morning.

  “Are you mad? You’re mad Michael! We can’t keep her. I can’t keep her. Absolutely not!!”

  “You can and you will. I promised Elayna that I would give her a good life. The best way for me to keep that promise is for her to stay here with you.”

  “People will be looking for her; the police, her family, their friends.”

  “We are more than a thousand miles away from where they will be looking; she will be perfectly safe here.”

  “Someone may recognize her.”

  Michael sat back and closed his eyes for a moment then regretfully said; “I’m not so sure anyone would be able to make the distinction any more. I think you were right when you said she is changed. It’s as though…it’s as if,” he turned and faced Margaret as his mind searched for the right way to express his thoughts.

  “As if she has been perfected. That is what I thought of you the first time I saw you, Michael. It is not quite the same with Elayna but yes,
there is something…something about her.”

  “Perfected,” he whispered seizing on what his mother had said, “Yes.” He reflected on the idea for a moment before turning back to Margaret. “Mother, if there was any other way, I would choose it. The last thing I want is to involve you in all of this.” He was silent for a moment, a slight tremble in his lips, “You don’t know…you can’t imagine what it is like for me without her,” his jaw tightened. “I need you to do this for me. I need Elayna to be safe and happy. I need her to be in my life. She has done something to me, somehow, she is…” Michael’s face was livid with shame and he was unable to finish the thought.

  “A part of you,” Margaret whispered.

  “Yes,” Michael’s voice was full of contrition, “yes,” he sighed. Then softly, “she is my conscience, she has been ever since I met her,” he said.

  “She’s just a little girl Michael. You shouldn’t have asked that of her. You can’t continue to take that from her. You’ve taken enough already!” Margaret’s lips pursed as she realized what she said and its multiple meanings.

  Michael buried his face in his hands, “I never forced this responsibility on Elayna, it just happened. There was no choice or if there was it was hers. She has always known…or suspected…something.”

  “Why didn’t you resist? You should have made the choice. She couldn’t have known what she was doing - what it would mean!”

  “I didn’t know either, damn it! Do you think I would have kept her in my life if I had known what would happen?”

  Margaret was visibly shaken and on the verge of tears.

  “I’m sorry,” Michael said, “I’m sorry for everything and I am trying to find the best way to make it right. Victor, he must still be alive,” he closed his eyes briefly, “I’m sure he’s still alive. He doesn’t know that I confided in you, he doesn’t know that we have reconciled. This is the last place he would think to look for her. This is the safest place for her to be right now.” He sat quietly for a moment then suddenly his expression darkened as he turned his gaze back to Margaret, “I could make you do this.”

  “I will pretend you didn’t say that.” After a moment of silent contemplation she took a deep breath, “I will look after the girl since she means so much to you but you must promise me something in return.”

  “Anything.”

  “You need to leave, Michael. You can’t stay here with us; with her.”

  His brows crinkled in thought as the minutes ticked by, “You’re right, Mother. I will go. I will get everything you need in order. She’ll need a birth certificate, school transcripts and whatever else you can think of. Just write it down and I will see to it.”

  “I’m sorry Michael but it’s for the best.”

  “What is for the best?” I asked as I came into the kitchen and stood beside Michael. I glanced from one to the other but neither had the heart to answer.

  Margaret was studying me as I stood by Michael’s side. She was still trying to compose her thoughts and assure herself that Michael was right and that I would be safe there; safe from discovery and safe from my past, safe from Victor. In her heart she wanted to believe that Michael’s solution was the best solution.

  Margaret broke the stalemate and simply said, “A day of shopping, just you and me, are you up for it?” She looked to Michael and his face softened. He looked relieved and satisfied and just a touch remorseful.

  I took in my alternative – the cuffed sleeves and rolled up pants and nodded my agreement, “Yes, I think that would be very nice.” I forced a wan smile, faced Michael and turned into him for a hug, “Good morning,” I said as I briefly laid my head on his shoulder. I savored the sensation as he put his arm around my waist and hugged me back. It felt like the world fell away for a moment and there was nothing but the two of us.

  We lingered through our greeting for a moment too long, “Did you sleep well Elayna? Are you hungry, I can make you some breakfast,” Margaret interrupted and I regretfully pulled myself away.

  I would have liked nothing more but before I could answer in the affirmative Margaret took charge and started lining things up on the island. “Do you like omelets?”

  “Mmm, that sounds really good.”

  “Well, you two make your plans for the day. I guess I will run along and find something to keep myself busy with.” Michael flexed his legs and stepped from the room. I couldn’t help thinking that I had missed something important and that they were withholding it from me as I watched him leave.

  I tried to be cheerful while Margaret fixed breakfast for me. I wasn’t feeling as desolate as I had been the previous day but I had a sense of disappointment that I didn’t fully understand. Though I was completely unaware of it, Michael was keeping my emotions in check and I couldn’t think about the loss of my parents. I knew they were gone but it felt as though we were all just apart; like they were travelling on vacation or something. I knew that I would never see them again but I wasn’t able to focus or dwell on that fact. I also knew that I couldn’t go home but every time I tried to confront any of those ideas a new thought would come to the surface of my mind causing me to forget altogether that I had been thinking about them.

  “Are you alright Elayna? You look a little distant.”

  “Still a little sleepy I guess,” I stretched in emphasis and sat down facing toward Margaret and where she was working. “So where are we going shopping?”

  “There is a big mall not too far from here. I’m sure they will have the most variety and we will be able to find plenty of things you will like and,” she placed a glass of juice on my mat then took the cuff of my sleeve between her fingers, “that will fit.”

  I fell for Margaret’s smile every time and couldn’t help smiling back even though I feared that there was some impending doom skulking behind her eyes.

  “Elayna, Michael and I have been talking but before I tell you what he would like I have to ask you; do you have family, family you can go to? Someone you trust and that will take good care of you.”

  I was horrified at the thought of leaving Michael. “Oh, Margaret, no, no, please don’t send me away!”

  My fear seemed unfounded though because as soon as I was over my initial response and the question fully registered I realized that I could not remember any of my relatives and I was not aware one way or the other whether or not I even had any. I did my best to call someone to mind but as I gazed at Margaret all I could discover was a strange, sympathetic understanding shimmering in her eyes.

  Margaret seemed hesitant but asked her next question despite her reservations, “Michael has suggested that you stay here with me. How do you feel about that?”

  I noticed that she didn’t include Michael in her inquiry but I was sure it was intended – here with me and Michael. “That would be the most wonderful thing in the world,” I beamed.

  I hurriedly ate the breakfast Margaret placed before me. Afterwards she had me run upstairs to comb out my hair and brush my teeth. When I was done getting ready for our outing I rushed back down to the kitchen. I expected to see Michael there but Margaret was the only one I found.

  “Are you ready?” she asked.

  “Well, I wanted to say goodbye to Michael but.”

  “Michael had some things he needed to take care of. He’ll be back tonight, I’m sure of it. Come, let’s do some shopping and get you out of those sacks you are wearing!!” Her voice was full of enthusiasm as she motioned me down the hallway.

  I followed her lead and headed for the front door. As Margaret settled into the driver’s seat I plopped down into the passenger’s and before long we were on our way.

  “What kinds of music do you like Elayna?”

  “Oh, all kinds I guess, I’ve never really thought about it.”

  “I’ll put on some classical. It will be subtle and we can talk a little bit, get to know one another.”

  “That sounds nice.”

  “So what would you like to know?”

  “
How old is Michael?” It was the first question that came to my mind.

  “Michael is 26 but why don’t we focus on you and me? Do you have any brothers or sisters?”

  “I don’t think so,” I closed my eyes and tried to picture my family. “I’m sorry. I’m having a hard time remembering,” I shook my head regretfully.

  “Do you remember how old are you Elayna?” Margaret asked her next question.

  I did not have any trouble recalling the answer to that, “12. I’ll be 13 in May. How old are you?”

  She stole a glance at me and grinned, “Let’s focus on you for now. Do you have any friends?” She tried redirecting my thoughts.

  “Michael,” I said, “and, and,” I couldn’t think of anyone else. “I’m sorry Margaret,” I looked helplessly away and choked back a few tears, “I don’t remember.”

  “That’s OK dear. You’ve been through a lot.” She paused briefly, “Maybe we should try another topic, think of something you would like to talk about.”

  I rattled my brain for a subject other than Michael, “How did you make the bread you gave me the other day?”

  That proved to be the best question and conversation redirector I could have chosen. Margaret’s demeanor changed as though I had flipped a switch and she began chattering away about how much she loved to cook and that for as long as she could remember the kitchen had been her favorite haunt. I learned that her mother made volumes of cookbooks from recipes she had gathered from friends and neighbors, relatives and strangers alike. Margaret conscripted them all when her mother passed away and she now had the collection archived on the computer and the hard copies preserved for future generations.

  I was actually very interested in what she had to say. She spoke of her favorite foods and asked me of mine.